And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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