Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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