I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
