I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
