I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
