Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.