I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.