had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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