i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.