I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!