He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome