Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair