Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Help me help you realize you are a moron
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.