So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
