I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
