The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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