ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
