Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
