just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Even my vagina gasped.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
