im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
