dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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