Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
