she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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