Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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