Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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