So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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