just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
