My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
