I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it because I queefed?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
