Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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