the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
