Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
