cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
