Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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