eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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