I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how drunk are you?
Several
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize