You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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