is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
