whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
