I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
