I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
