My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are we still banned from the library?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
