I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
