You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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