I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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