when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
