I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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