man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
