he wants to bone in the snuggie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
