thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
