Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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