i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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