Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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