There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
