We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
NoShamevember. You game?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
