i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
