There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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