you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
worst night to have a conscience
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
