I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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