Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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