i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
