I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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