...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
