just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
