On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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