All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i believe in u and ur pee
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