Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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