AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
