After last night, I could never be a politician.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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