I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
