I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
