i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you win again, gameday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
