We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
