i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
