Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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