Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
