My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
