dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
