from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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