Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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