also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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